Jasmine Stalker-Firth

I have been feeling so ill. I didn’t realise how ill I felt until today when I woke up and felt a bit better. That didn’t last long as I had to go to the hospital to get some bloods done, but it was great as there wasn’t much of a queue so I was soon home and back on the settee.

Neil has been a total star (as always) and took over dialysis duties when I couldn’t even stay awake and had to go to bed. And I had to miss out on meeting Barbara and Andy for pre-Christmas drinks which was sad. Being pregnant, there wasn’t much I could take to help myself get better so I have been drinking hot lemonade which I just thought was a nice drink my mum gave us when we were little and ill but it really works. I have also being doing lots of neti which makes a big difference, even if it isn’t very attractive (here is that neti video demo again because it makes me laugh).

Jasmine has had a cough too, following the bug she had last week, but she has kept on drinking her milk and chewing on things and just coughed now and again. She hasn’t complained about it so I am hoping it hasn’t felt too bad for her. She has been sleeping a bit more than usual and hasn’t been eating many solids. But she has been her usual smiley, singing self, which is just lovely. Apparently, it is ‘normal’ that her appetite comes and goes in the same way that her desire to drink her milk does.

So, we are just about ready for Christmas. Tomorrow we have to go and buy Neil some turkey – my quorn roast is in the freezer – and more parsnips since we ate all the other ones. And then we will ice the Christmas Cake.

I thought about putting up a festive picture of my red nose – but I didn’t really look like Rudolph so I decided on the extra cute photo of Jasmine and all her presents.

Jasmine and I (well mainly Jasmine) have invented a new game together. When I sing, ‘If you are happy and you know it clap your hands’, Jasmine squeals and holds my hands and then she leans forward and puts her face in my hands, and then I shout, ‘Bus driver’ (as in ‘Bus driver, open the doors’) and she laughs and then we do that over and over and over until Neil wants a go.

Today we went as a family to have some counselling down at GOSH. It was very good and we came away feeling much better. Most of the time, things feel manageable. However, some days we get a bit down with everything we have to do and the fact that we are here, the two of us, doing it alone.

It was lovely to talk to someone about all the stresses of having a chronically ill baby and how we are learning to cope with all the various things it entails. And it was great that there is someone paid to listen to us so that we don’t have to feel guilty about permanently bending my Dad’s ear or using up the precious time of the lovely GOSH nurses.

So! Counselling was good. We will be going back again and I would recommend it to anyone who feels like they are having a bit of a tough time.

Jasmine has been having a couple of rough days. She had a temperature of 38.6c the other night, but it came down after an hour. It wasn’t like the time recently when she had the scary rash and breathing difficulties, so we were quite relieved we didn’t have to rush down to the hospital, but we did have an hour of so of trying not to worry even though her fluid was clear and she wasn’t in pain (signs of peritonitis – the thing we check for morning and night).

But, even though the temperature came down, she did go on to spend two days vomiting really badly and having terribly smelly nappies. We think the worst of whatever bug she had is over as she is back to her smiley self and was jumping up and down with excitement this morning, as normal. Her two front teeth are nearly through now, and I still get a surprise each time she smiles at me with these big gnashers. They look great. She looks great. Neil is great too (in case he feels left out).

Jasmine is really into marmite breadsticks as they are good for chewing and ideal for her little fingers to hold onto and they are really tasty!

Today, we had a mini-Christmas day with Grandma Stalker. We had turkey (mine was quorn turkey) with all the trimmings followed by Christmas pudding.

Jasmine seemed bemused by the whole event. She didn’t mind the crackers and enjoyed the snapping-crack noise. Surprisingly enough though, she hated the party hats and cried when we put them on, apart Grandma Stalker’s hat which no one could see because of her hair (and she has just told me that I am very cheeky for typing that). Jasmine never cries at anything ever so it was really strange to see cry over a party hat.

Jasmine has been receiving lots of presents and cards through the post – she has more than us. We have put them all under the tree and are getting very excited about Christmas Day. She also got a pre-Christmas lovely new outfit from Sally and John (thank you very much) and one from her Grandma.

Jasmine has not taken eyes off her Grandma since she arrived. She is amazed by her and likes to sit near her so she can stare at her without any obstructions. We have had a lovely relaxing weekend with Grandma and will be sad to put her on the train tomorrow.

Yesterday morning, we got up bright and breezy and went down to GOSH to get a line change on Jasmine’s tenckhoff catheter. Her new one is in the picture above. The part which is surgically inserted inside her peritoneum is nice and soft and helps keep her exit site (the bit which sticks out of her tummy) clean, as harder tubes can cause the skin around it to fray and become sore. However, the other end where the tube sits on the connector (white tube and blue and white cartridge in picture) which we plug into the dialysis machine has now worn away three times, so yesterday our nurse clinician said that she would try a titanium connector (silver bit at top of picture). Each time the line needs changing they have to snip a good inch off the tube which you really notice when you come to plug Jasmine in on a night.

I like the new look, the only downside is that I can’t constantly check for frays as the actual connection is shielded. However, our nurse clinician and I think that could be a good thing as I was getting a bit obsessive. So, we will see how we get on as it was a bit of squeeze getting the line onto the new connector (there are so few makers of baby-specific PD catheters that getting everything to fit together and without any glitches is something everyone is still figuring out) and just to be absolutely certain because our nurse clinician is fantastic and thinks of, and anticipates, everything, Jasmine’s bags had antibiotics in them last night. It does feel psychologically a bit more robust, and apparently it is good for when children are a bit older and love to tug on the catheter. Jasmine has started doing this already and sometimes will put her hands down her babygro or trousers and fish the catheter out so that she can chew on it.

This animation about how peritoneal dialysis works is the best thing I have ever see on the internet about PD so I putting the link in again here: http://www.kidneypatientguide.org.uk/site/pdanim.php.

Last night we put our Christmas tree and decorations up as Grandma Stalker is coming today for the weekend, so we thought we would start early. We are very excited! Jasmine is only remotely interested in the tree and that is only when you point it out to her.

Her NG is out again for the moment as she kept pulling it out and she is drinking fine from her cup, but the moment she flags again she will get the tube back down. I have stopped fretting about whether the NG should be in or out as her weight gain is slow either way, which is ‘normal’.

Jasmine is a delightful little person and I am thrilled to spend everyday with her. She has her two top teeth coming through together and she has put on a bit of weight – 6.3kgs/13.9lbs is probably her dry weight (that is her weight without the fluid that she has in her peritoneum to dialyse her during the day). So, her teeth total is now four! What a big girl. The other day when we were playing clap-handies, she got hold of my hands and put them together and shouted, “Ap.” I was besides myself with excitment.

Jasmine’s cousin, Hannah, will be three years old tomorrow, so the other day Neil and Jasmine went to post her card and present. Jasmine realised the importance of this task and held onto the card all the way to the postbox. She is so clever.

Yesterday, was delivery day. Baxter (dialysis people), as usual, were really good, except the man’s trolley broke so he was a bit sweaty by the time he had delivered all the boxes of fluid and the rest of it. Fresenius (food pump people) were, as usual, totally rubbish and amaze me with their total inability to do something as simple as delivering one box of giving sets. I rang them up to give them a piece of my mind but Neil wrestled the phone out of my hand. Finally, the delivery turned up at 4pm in the afternoon whilst we were out. Neil took us all for a walk to the doctors and the chemist so that I wouldn’t strangle the delivery person.

When we got back, I reviewed the Fresenius food pump and even suggested improvements at no charge. It normally costs companies a lot of money for my professional services, but this food pump is so bad, it needs all the help it can get.

Things have been plodding on as usual – which is nice as that means we are not at the hospital. Jasmine has been vomiting loads, and either pulling out her NG or sicking it up. She only wimpers now when we stick it back down her nose. But she is so quick at pulling it out, I am always torn between being impressed and annoyed. We have been doing the machine and the dressing and injecting her and going to the chemist for all the medicines she needs as usual.

It was quite funny, as I was telling everyone down the hospital that it only takes me 12 minutes to do the machine. But pride comes before a fall. When I got home that day I was so tired I kept touching the walls and doing things in the wrong order, so it took me at least 50 minutes to set up the machine and my dressing change wasn’t half as neat as normal. We didn’t sit down to dinner until 8.30pm (dialysis duties always kick off at 6pm). Even getting Jasmine on her machine took me longer than usual. Neil said that it served me right for showing off. Too true!

When we went to GOSH the other day there were loads of press outside following the progress of the conjoined twins. My heart aches for their parents and I am so very sorry for their loss. We know exactly how it feels to sit in NICU and be told that your child might not live. We are holding them in our thoughts and praying for good news.

We have been to the hospital for three days in a row, so we are having an easy day today and collecting our thoughts.

On Monday we went to clinics and Jasmine got measured and weighed, and had her bloods done. Jasmine is looking good, but struggling to get enough calories and nutrients to grow well. Her length is good (65.4cms) but her head circumferance and weight (6.1kgs) are a bit of a worry. She is really good at sitting up and looking about. We are increasing her feeds again and going back on Domperidone, which is supposed to push her food through her digestion a bit quicker and prevent vomiting, for the week. There isn’t much evidence that it works, but we are going to try it out as she has been vomiting a lot lately. Last time when she was on it, she kept sticking her tongue out and her eyelids were drooping and eventually, she had to go for a brain scan to check that it wasn’t anything sinister. This time we will see whether she ends up sticking her tongue out all the time, and if the Domperidone actually helps.

We discussed transplants and are starting to get into the details of tissue typing. Ruth got a bit weepy and everyone was really nice and talked to us for a good while.

When Jasmine gets a transplant, if all goes well, she will probably be in hospital for two weeks. Then we will have to take her for blood tests every day for a further month. Of course the fact that she is very small and sensitive means that things change and she could be in and out of hospital a lot. She will still need to take a number of medications. We now have plenty of leaflets which is good as it gets us used to the idea. Previously we were having trouble getting past the statistic that on average you are 4000 times more likely to die on the table than win the lottery. However, there are lots of safety tests and so far a live kidney donor has not been lost in the UK. 5% of transplants fail in the first year, but then the failure rate tails off. A cadaver kidney may last 10 years on average, while a live donor kidney may last 20 years with present technology.

Currently, I am the correct blood group and we are waiting on tissue type testing results. If I can donate a kidney then I would be in a different hospital (the other end of town to Jasmine) for about five days, then need about six weeks to recover. As we are going to have a new baby as well, we could be rather busy, and more than a little stressed!

On Tuesday, Ruth and Jasmine went to UCH so that Ruth could speak to a consultant about her pregnancy. Everything seems to be in order and the consultant was positive about the chances that we will have a trouble free pregnancy and hopefully a natural delivery, if this new baby’s kidneys develop ok.

On Wednesday, Jasmine was assessed by urodynamics to start thinking about what operations to do post-transplant to sort out Jasmine’s plumbing. We met a lovely nurse there who talked through all the possibilities and really cheered us up. After that we wandered around the wards catching up with people in the different units we are involved with. It was lovely to see everyone and not be there for treatment.

Jasmine’s new titanium catheter hasn’t arrived yet, so we will make another trip back to GOSH to change that when it does. The soft line and double cuff for the tenckhoff catheter have helped keep the exit site clean, but the wearing at the other end is a bit of a worry.

We have got a lovely new daybed, which is very comfy. Now whoever is not on dialysis duty can get a good night’s sleep, and Ruth won’t have to lie on the very uncomfortable camp bed when nine months pregnant. Whenever we have a minute we can now go for a lie down.

Jasmine has had a rotten cold. One that was proving very difficult to shift. She has had it for about two weeks now and it was probably the reason why she needed her NG tube.

I thought she was getting better, but on Friday she was really tired and wimpering for most of the day which is unusual for her. In the morning her temperature, blood pressure and weight were fine. But something wasn’t right. At first I thought it was a combination of the cold and teething so, for the first time, I gave her some paracetamol to take away some of the symptoms and make her snooze a little.

It didn’t work. She continued whimpering away and by mid-afternoon was vomiting and pooing more than usual too. Around 5pm, when I changed her out of yet more sicky clothes, her legs were all deep purple and mottled. Neil took her temperature – it was 38.6 – and then her breathing became laboured and her eyes were rolling back in her head. We rang the hospital, and took Jasmine’s blood pressure whilst we were talking to them, and then we ran straight down there, getting lots of water down her, as we were told. Squashing on the tube in rush hour with a buggy isn’t easy but it is amazing what you can do when you must.

We got there and almost on arrival Jasmine looked a lot better. The nurses said that this often happens. The mottled purple on her legs (a fever rash) had faded and her breathing was a lot better. They ran some tests: bloods and PD specimen. And everything came back fine. But the doctor wasn’t taking any chances and kept Jasmine in overnight. She was kept off dialysis for the night too to give her a chance to gain some fluid, as she was looking decidedly dehydrated at this point.

So they think that the combination of a bad cold, teething, losing a lot of fluid through vomiting and pooing, and coming off her dialysis a bit dehydrated that morning, had led to Jasmine spiking a fever.

I was very sad at leaving my baby on the ward even though the nurses are brilliant and would watch her all night. Neil and I kissed her goodnight and went out for something to eat but we were so tired after all the panic that we got home as soon as we could for a hot bath and bed. That night in bed, without the machine pumping and buzzing, it was difficult to get to sleep, and we lay in bed chatting about how comforting we find the noise of the dialysis machine.

I woke early and lay waiting in bed until I gave up and rang the ward at 6am to ask how Jasmine was. The nurse who answered said that she was fine and told me to listen as she held out the phone. My baby girl was singing quite loudly across the ward and had been doing so for a good hour.

We got down there at 9am and Jasmine was sitting in her buggy by the nurses’ station and when she saw us she burst into tears. We picked her up and made a big fuss of her, until the doctor came in and said that Jasmine was fine and we could all go home.

When we got back, Jasmine had a parcel from her Grandma and Grandad Stalker with two really cute outfits in. Neil insisted that I took a picture this morning, as she looks like a bobby dazzler in her new suit and like a totally different baby to the one we had to rush off to hospital on Friday.

We are still really tired, and are taking it in turns to snooze round the flat. Neil was asleep on the chaise longue until I took this picture and Jasmine was snoozing in her cot, but now she has woken up and is burbling away to herself. All day yesterday, because she was so thirsty we fed her using the cup, but we are leaving the NG in for now, until she has properly recovered. But she was funny this morning as she cried out loud everytime Neil tried to connect her to the food pump so in the end we just fed her from the cup. She still won’t eat any solids though.

Today, we are staying indoors as it has been freezing. It was snowing last night and it had laid this morning. Now it is pouring down and is really dark outside. But who cares about outside, today we are thrilled and are giving thanks to be back at home with our gorgeous girl. There is nowhere else we would rather be.

Today, I got a letter from the hospital telling me that my glucose tolerance test results were normal so I don’t have pregnancy diabetes. I was so relieved, Jasmine and I went out for lunch to celebrate.

We toddled off down to Cafe Nero and were sitting there minding our own businesses: Jasmine was singing, I was munching on a panini, when a woman came over and said:

“Oh what a beautiful baby!”
And then, “Oh my God what is wrong with her?”
I said, “That is a feeding tube.”
And she said, “Oh do look after her, won’t you?” And she touched my arm.
So, I said in my jolliest school matron voice, “Of course I will.”
And she said, “Don’t be like those parents.”
I said, “What parents?” I had no idea what she was talking about.
She said, “Of that baby.”
I said, “What baby?” Still no idea.
She said, “Baby P.”

In her tiny mind: NG tube = child abuse. I remain speechless.

Our cleaner is going off to train as a beautician, so I cleaned the bathroom yesterday afternoon. It is the first time for months I have done any housework and I had forgotten how therapeutic I find it. Jasmine found the whole thing very entertaining and watched me from the hallway as I mopped and scrubbed. When Neil came back he said that it wasn’t as clean as when our cleaner does it, so I beat him with my feather duster.

We had just sat down for a rest when Jasmine’s Great Auntie Linda came round. She brought us some lovely chocolates and hand cream to keep our skin soft, and she brought Jasmine a really cute pair of leather booties. They are a little bit big but we think they are great. Jasmine is wearing them already and as they are elasticated, they don’t fall off her feet.

Last night, Neil was changing Jasmine’s nappy about 11pm and she was in the middle of a fill. (A fill is when Jasmine gets fresh fluid pumped into her peritoneum ready for a dwell. A dwell is when the fluid sits in there cleaning the blood using the wall of the peritoneum. And a drain follows a dwell and the fluid comes out of her peritoneum, ready for her to fill up with fresh fluid.) He was just tidying up when he thought he spotted a black bit floating up her patient line. When she is filling, it happens really quickly and we have dim lights in our bedroom when she is asleep, so I have often thought I have seen things in her line when I haven’t. But Neil was a bit freaked out by it. We had a chat, and I said that I thought it was a bubble which sometimes look dark against the wood of the cot, and Neil said perhaps. And we discussed it for a bit longer, reasoning as to why it should only be a bubble and nothing sinister, and then eventually we said that we would wait and see in the morning. So, even though I thought we had reasoned calmly, I still lay there worrying about it, until I fell asleep. This morning I checked her drain bag in a forensic manner and was happy to report that there was nothing in there. It probably was a bubble.

I had to stop typing there as Jasmine just threw up her NG during the middle of a feed. You can’t put the NG back down on a full stomach otherwise she will just vomit, so she will be a bit short on this feed. Still, we are giving her lots more milk in our endeavours to get her to put weight on, so she is already ahead of her feed schedule today. And now the tube is out, she is rolling around the floor very impressed with herself.

I have tried to make this blog shorter since my mum (‘our mam’) left me a message on here yesterday, and I was so pleased and touched (as she went round my brother’s house to read the blog) that I rang her up to tell her and she said, “You don’t half go on typing for ages,” which made me laugh. I explained that it is much quicker for me to type a long blog than a short one. But she wasn’t buying it.

We have finally got back on schedule and got up this morning at 8am. Neil fed Jasmine at 9am – well plugged her into the food pump – after doing her obs (blood pressure, temperature, weight) and I gave her a wash. This was so much better than feeling tired and getting up at 11am and missing feeds and trying to catch up and having a headache from too much sleep and then not getting to sleep at night.

We didn’t put Jasmine on an overnight feed last night as she wouldn’t go to sleep so I had to feed her to get her to fall asleep by which point she had had all of yesterday’s quota and some of today’s. And today it seems that she has put on a tiny bit of weight which is brilliant!

Neil put Jasmine on her front after this morning’s feed as she looked a bit vomity and she fell asleep and looked like she did in the photo. I used to worry about her sleeping like this but that is how her dad sleeps all night every night so I have calmed down a bit. And two minutes after I took this picture she turned her head to one side and vomited all over the carpet. She is now smiling and looking much happier and rolling about.

Jasmine has refused to eat any solids for about three weeks and I was getting a bit down about it. The only thing she will suck on occasionally is a marmite flavoured rice cake. At the hospital they said not to worry as she knows how to eat and how to drink and she won’t forget these things, even if she doesn’t want to eat or drink at the moment.

On Wednesday whilst waiting for my scan, a family came in with two toddlers who were each given a mini-packet of Cadbury’s animal biscuits and were munching away and staring at Jasmine and saying, “Baby, baby, baby,” as toddlers do. And Jasmine was fixated on their little bags and I felt bad that I didn’t have anything to give her.

So, yesterday we got Jasmine her own little mini-packet and she loved it and waved it about. And then I opened the packet and gave her a little mini-chocolate biscuit and she loved it. She sucked all the chocolate off and gnawed a bit of the biscuit and then threw it on the floor. So I am thrilled that she is starting to show an interest once more in a bit of food. Shame that it wasn’t the veg or bread I offered her at lunchtime but now that I know it isn’t all food all of the time I feel invigorated.

It is interesting as up until a couple of weeks ago she wouldn’t eat sweet things at all and turned her nose up at fruit, but now it seems I can try once more with slices of apples and bananas and satsumas. Fantastic!

It is funny that you can buy so many toys to ‘stimulate’ your baby these days as Jasmine spent most of yesterday afternoon playing with Neil’s laptop bag. She zipped and unzipped it and pulled the velcro fastenings backwards and forward. Until she finally settled upon chewing one of the straps.

Yesterday was a funny day. On our return from the hospital we went to sleep around 6am until 8am when Jasmine woke up wanting to be fed. After some usual vomiting and singing and tidying around she went back to sleep around 9.30am and so did I (Neil had made a dash for the camp bed and silence of the other room at 8am). And we all slept until noon.

After that the whole day passed in a blur of tea and toast and pyjamas. Neil connected Jasmine at 5pm and I went to bed as I was still really tired and in my pyjamas and slept until my mum rang around 6pm and we had a big chat. Then I got up and wandered about for more tea and toast as I was too tired and feeling too sick to eat anything else. Jasmine was very good and caught up on her sleep and snoozed from 5pm until we went to bed around 11pm and then she slept all night.

We were all awake at 7am and had lovely breakfast in bed and now I am on my second breakfast of tea and toast (my first was fruit and nuts – aren’t I healthy?). Jasmine is lying next to me intermittently snoozing and singing and coughing up phlegm. My new discovery is that a handful of almonds when I feeling a bit ropey, helps to take away the morning sickness feeling.

Jasmine has a really bad cold again and has been coughing which makes her vomit and has a snotty nose. She gave up feeding on Monday evening which was a bit of a shame, as we had had a lovely day. We went out for lunch and to an afternoon matinee at the cinema to see Ghost Town, which was really funny and made us laugh. Jasmine loved the cinema and kept shouting out to join in with the people on the screen. Everytime we walked her to the doorway she would immediately be quiet as if she didn’t want to miss any of the film.

In the evening, it was a struggle to get her feed down her and then at bedtime she refused her milk altogether. I put the NG tube back down on Tuesday morning. She cried for two hours and pulled it out and then I put it down again and she sicked it up and then I put it down again and she screamed. It was a tiring day. I guess after having drunk all her milk every day for seven weeks, Jasmine had forgotten what the NG felt like and was really upset. Tuesday and Wednesday, every time I went near her to hook her up to the food pump, she would scream when I touched the NG.

Wednesday was a tricky day as I had to go to the hospital to have a glucose test as they suspect that I might have pregnancy diabetes. I didn’t eat anything after 10pm and could only drink water. The test started at 9.15am, they took my blood and gave me two cups of Lucozade to drink. The nurse had difficulty getting my blood out and told me she would do it differently the next time. Unfortunately, she had a worse job that time and was trying to suck it out with a syringe until my arm went numb and the blood trickled down to my hand and I threw up everywhere. I was a bit worried that the test would no longer work since the Lucozade was all over the floor, but she said that it was ok and bravely pressed on using my other arm and got another nurse to mop up the sick. Poor things! And then I waited another hour to have the final blood test with my arms all bandaged up.

Neil came down to drop Jasmine off and then Jasmine and I went to lunch and waited about for my 12-week scan in the fetal renal unit. I had to sit with a rather full bladder and feel extremely uncomfortable for ages as unfortunately everything was running behind by about an hour. Poor Jasmine was throwing up in the waiting room every two minutes much to the horror of the new mothers-to-be and then when I went in for the scan she kept vomiting there and everyone was really brilliant entertaining her and mopping her down. It was the same group of people from my last pregnancy and they work closely with GOSH so they knew all about Jasmine and were just lovely. And the doctor who had sent me out in the night to Homerton when I was in labour was really sorry and kept apologising, which was very sweet as it wasn’t her fault there was no room at the inn.

So, it seems that I am further along than first thought. Today, I am 12 weeks and 5 days. The baby was whizzing about so quickly that it took ages to get all the measurements they needed and they had me jumping up and down on the table to get the baby to move to a better position. But Jasmine was very good and sat patiently for ages. Afterwards, they wanted to do another blood test which took a while as my veins were in ribbons and we had to hunt about for another vein. This test went off better as I was well-hydrated and well-fed.

We finally got home around 6pm after Jasmine and I had put in a full day at the hospital. Jasmine came home in a pair of socks, a baby body, a jumper and a fur coat, as we had run out of all the trousers, tops, tights and dresses I had taken with me. I am glad she had her blanket on in the buggy otherwise people would have been wondering why I dress my baby like a nutter.

I met a retired nurse from GOSH on the tube who was attracted by Jasmine’s NG tube and wanted a full medical history. Ah yes, we are back in the NG world of nosy people and people who want to share with you all their terrible stories and troubles, and want you to tell them yours and don’t seem to care that you might find it painful to talk to them at all and that you are sitting there wishing that they would bugger off and mind their own businesses.

Anyway once home I was looking forward to an early night but what with one thing and another and a midnight trip to GOSH, it was 6am before I got my early night.

Neil keeps thanking me for spotting the split, as we have had to ring the community nurses three times this morning to get some syringes, and each time it reminds him about when they had to come in every two days for a fortnight after Jasmine’s last line break. He is so grateful we have avoided all that – not least of all because antibiotics and nystatin for 14 days don’t help with Jasmine’s weight gain – and I feel very popular today.

My Godfathers, I plugged Jasmine into her foodpump at 9am and at 10.45am I wondered why it hadn’t finished and Neil came in and said that I still was feeding her on the overnight schedule. We put her on an overnight feed last night for the first time in months to catch up and let us all sleep, as she had vomited so much. So poor thing this morning had only had a few mls. I have upped the pace and she has gone off to sleep – finally getting some food in. Seven weeks off the food pump and I have totally forgotten how to use it too.

Right, I think it is time I got out of these pyjamas, as lovely as they are, and got on with the day. I might have to wear a long sleeved top as my arms are covered in bruises and I don’t want to frighten anyone.

Oh no Jasmine has started vomiting. Aaargh!

Evening

I know this is the longest blog in the world already, but when Jasmine and I went to the shops, I met a very nice lady who asked what was wrong with Jasmine so I just said that she needs an NG to feed better. And then she told me a rather sad story.

And it got me thinking. The other night, Neil and I had a discussion about what sort of help we would like to have, and if we feel we need help then what sort of help should we be giving others. And perhaps this is one way I can help others. I may not want to talk about my problems but the people I meet want to talk about theirs, and if they choose to do it with me, then the least I can do is listen to them so that they feel better. It doesn’t matter how sad their stories are, if they need to share them with me, then I must let them.

Right, time to do Jasmine’s dressing.