Jasmine Stalker-Firth

This evening, we were eating Thorntons Chocolates (thanks Claire and Iain) and there seemed to be half of one on Neil’s t-shirt. I asked what flavour it was. Neil picked it up and said, “Ah it’s the rest of Calista’s umbilical cord.” I am glad that it has finally come off as it has been hanging on by a thread now for a couple of days and I was nervous of knocking it. Neil is now cleaning her navel and can’t decide if it is an innie or an outie.

So the past few days have been a bit hectic but lovely. We came home last Wednesday, 48 hours after the operation. Unfortunately, it was the day of the tube strike and black cabs were very hard to come by. And if you get a private cab you need each child in a car seat. We had Calista in the car seat and Jasmine in the buggy. So, after watching Neil work up a sweat (it was a warm day) running up and down Tottenham Court Road, we abandoned going home and went round to the Grafton Hotel for afternoon tea. It was lovely – sandwiches and cream scones and pots of tea – and best of all when we had finished the staff ran up and down outside and got us a black cab.

My stay at UCH was brilliant. Everyone worked really hard to give me a natural birth. Two hours before I went down to theatre the surgeons came up as I was contracting really hard to see if there was any chance of breaking my waters and inducing me, as they knew how much I wanted to avoid surgery. My cervix still wouldn’t cooperate so surgery it was, but at least when I went down to theatre I knew that we had all tried everything. Everyone was really lovely, even though I kept pestering the anesthesthetist about my blood pressure readings and answering all the questions that the surgeon was asking the medical student (I was lying there like a swot going ‘I know, I know’). Calista cried on coming out immediately which was lovely and very different to Jasmine’s birth as she didn’t cry for a long time and there were a lot more staff needed to work on her before she was whisked away to intensive care. With Calista, Neil got to cut the cord and he carried her into the recovery room with me. Then our doula came in with Jasmine so we got to be our family almost immediately.

The other thing that I found interesting was that there were posters on the wall advising against umbilical cord and blood collection. The Royal College of Obstetrics and The Royal College of Midwives have both said that the risks posed to mother and child during the procedure far outweigh any known benefits, particularly as someone has to come in from the outside. We have asked several surgeons too, who have told us that it is gimmick.

The rest of my stay was just fantastic as the midwives were very kind and sensitive and looked after me really well. It makes me a bit teary to think how lovely they were. With their help and the nursery nurse’s, Calista and I soon got the hang of breastfeeding and luckily, my milk arrived as soon as Calista did. I did do a bit of twisting about though when I was on my own breastfeeding, because of my scar and the pain and gave myself a bit of backache.

After all the drugs wore off my back got worse and by the time I got home I had pins and needles in my lower pelvis everytime I sat down and then my walking got a bit worse and I was a bit worried about it. So, yesterday I went to see a chiropractor who examined me and said that my pelvis is no longer aligned and my right hip is twisted upwards which is causing all the pain. She was very gentle with me because of the scar and started treatment getting it all realigned. I was in agony on the way home but by last night I could walk about normally for the first time in weeks. I am so relieved and am going again tomorrow to continue treatment as it will take a few weeks but we have caught it in time to prevent nerve damage. Thank Goodness. I have a nice icepack to sit on too. Last night though I said to Neil, “Oh no the pins and needles have come back.” And after some discussion Neil realised that I had been sitting on my icepack for an hour which would cause anyone’s bum to go numb. I thought it had only been ten minutes, as time seems to have lost all meaning and I don’t know if it is day or night half the time.

It is funny as up until I did my back in I was very proud of having good pregnancies with no symptoms. But I have learnt my lesson and will no longer be proud as Neil keeps saying to me: “Pride comes before a great big pain up the bum.”

Jasmine has taken to Calista really well. Most of the time she strokes her head gently. We keep saying ‘Gently, gently’ at her and are wondering if Jasmine thinks that is Calista’s name. And then sometimes Jasmine gets a bit fed up of Calista’s crying. The other day Jasmine put one finger in her ear as Calista was crying loudly during Jasmine’s ‘In the Night Garden’. Today, Jasmine was giving Calista little kisses when I was feeding her and we were all sitting together on the day bed.

The hardest bit is that I can’t pick Jasmine up so when Neil is off doing dialysis I have to make sure she can’t dive off the day bed or that we are all on the floor, which up until now has been hard for me to get up and down without straining myself. I am a bit nervous about the scar which has been weeping and bleeding a bit as it hasn’t closed up properly yet. Neil is bathing it for me with sterile water. We are using whole sachets of sterile water now. First of all we open it to do Jasmine’s exit site, then we clean Calista’s navel, and then we clean my scar. Funny, I don’t know if my scar from Jasmine’s birth was weeping or bleeding as I never looked at it. We were so preoccupied with Jasmine and getting down to the hospital everyday.

We have had lots of midwife visits. One came on Friday and took my stitches out, which was a relief as they were really digging in. And tomorrow we have the health visitor coming round and then on Sunday another midwife. They keep checking my scar and seeing if Calista is ok. So, far she has put on weight twice and was up to 3.86kgs (her birth weight was 3.76kgs) which apparently is unusual for a breastfed baby. Neil and I do think this new baby marlarky is very nice – no mixing of special food, no weighing nappies and babies, no blood pressures or temperatures, or setting up machines. It is great. And Calista is a very cool baby. When she wakes in the night for a feed it is normally after four or five hours, and we have all been napping in the afternoons too so I am not feeling too tired.

So much of what is easy with Calista, like dressing her, changing her nappy, feeding her, just reminds me how tough it has been for Jasmine, and somedays it makes me weepy. Tomorrow when I go to the chiropractor Neil wants me to pump a bit of milk before I go, so that Calista has something whilst I am not here. He is right and I will do it even though I loathe that breast pump in the cupboard because it reminds me of those three tough months at GOSH where I pumped my breasts four times a day in the hospital and at home through all the good times and the bad. Anyway, that was then and this is now.

Poor Neil’s hands and arms have broken out with dialysis and he has cotton gloves which he wears in bed. But they don’t cover his wrists so he has taken to rubbing lanolin – Lansinoh – on his wrists and then bandaging them up during the day. So when he goes outside he gets some funny looks. We also use the Lansinoh for Calista’s nappy rash and my very sore stretch marks. Fantastic.

Calista got nappy rash as the baby doctor at UCH wanted to make sure that she was passing urine so they put a bag on her overnight to see, which irritated her skin. But was worth it, as it was great to see urine in the bag. And as the doctor was very thorough, Calista is also booked in for an ultrasound and to see a consultant to make sure that her kidneys are working as they should. I know this is a good thing but I have a meltdown everytime I think about going to the hospital.

This photo made us laugh. It is obviously what Calista thinks of getting her photo taken and reminded us of the Rangers footballers who got lifetime bans after making the same gesture before the Scottish game against Iceland.

Today, was the first day that I did some dialysis. Jasmine needed her dressing doing and her weekly epotein injection. I did those as it is easier for Neil to hold Jasmine as she is getting quite big now and I haven’t recovered enough yet to wrestle with her. Although, I did manage to hold her down the minute Calista and I came home from hospital as her dressing needed changing.

On Monday we went to Clinic and Jasmine has put on weight and grown in length. She is now 70.3cm long and has moved up to the 2nd centile, which is absolutely fantastic. And tonight she hit the 9kg mark – but a lot of that will be fluid, and her last bag fill. Even so, she seems to have grown a lot and looks quite big – and that is not just because Calista is so small.

It was lovely going down to Clinic as everyone made a lovely fuss of Calista and Jasmine and it was the first time I had been out of the flat really as the midwife said I should take it easy, especially after she found out about our trip to the Grafton Hotel for afternoon tea. Clinic was good and Jasmine is doing well and is nice and stable. Afterwards, we popped up to the ward to see our lovely nurses and show Calista off.

Neil has been in charge of food and decided that we should mainly be eating bagels. This is because he went to a lecture last week and we decided that the best thing was that he should take Jasmine, since I can’t lift her. The lecture was due to take place near Brick Lane and the fantastic bagel shop there. Neil just hoped that the other students wouldn’t mind when Jasmine shouted, “Mam”, and “Baba” too much. Luckily, he got there and the lecture was cancelled but he still managed to come home with far too many bagels as he could load the buggy up with them.

Calista has been sleeping in a moses basket but today we have put her in a crib. Our neighbour Sandra has kindly given us it as her baby has grown out of it and so this evening, after much shifting of dialysis boxes and the rest we have put Calista in it. Calista is nicely settled and we have fixed Jasmine’s old mobile over the top and Calista is snuggled down in her new sleeping bag – another gift from her Auntie Claire and Uncle Iggle Piggle. It was very nice and a bit strange to just zip her up and not have to leave half of it open with a catheter hanging out. It is also very strange in the night when I get up to feed her, I can just leave the bedroom with her too. The crib is good as it has bars either side so it is easier to see her from the bed. With the moses basket I had to get up and peer over.

Oh no, Neil has just done himself a mischief doing his manly yoga, guess I won’t need to pump my breasts after all, as he will be coming with me to the chiropractor to get himself sorted.

It is very snug now in our bedroom but I love it. I am loving every minute of our new family of four and am thrilled to have two beautiful daughters and a wonderful husband.

Thank you to everyone who has sent us cards and presents and left lovely comments and sent us texts. Thank you for sharing our joy.

We are thrilled to announce the arrival of our daughter Calista by caesarian section on Monday 8th June at 4.12pm. Calista weighed in at 3.76kgs (8lbs 3oz), 54cms (21 inches) long.

We are all still waiting for our new baby. Ruth has been having various contractions and pains for days, but nothing that lasts. Apparently rubbing your big toes helps establish labour, at least it is something new to try…

We are all still waiting for the new baby to arrive. Ruth is getting to the stage where she will try any of the old-wives-tales. Drinking pineapple juice is the latest. She has been contracting on and off for a whole week!!!! She is in agony from that, and her pulled muscle, and the baby kicking. It has been moving down, but is not coming out. Ruth is a hero! We have been trying to go for long walks, but that is proving problematic, as Ruth can hardly walk at all – someone offered her wheelchair assistance on the tube the other day…

Jasmine has learned the ‘In the Night Garden’ song for the Tombliboos and now touches her nose whenever the music comes on the TV, or when you sing to her, which is very cute. She also reaches out to touch your nose. Thanks to Grandma Stalker and Auntie Billie for the extremely cute dresses, and short and t-shirts!

We have got out Jasmine’s summer dresses, as it has been very hot. Our flat is all on one side and gets the sun all afternoon. We have been trying to do all our dialysis tasks in the morning, as it gets far too hot when we have to shut the windows. I went a bit mad cooking rice at 8 am this morning, before the heat gets up. I have been driving Ruth mad with my dashing about. Thankfully Jasmine is doing well at the moment, no colds or diarrhea, just the usual amount of vomiting.

We are all still waiting for the new baby. Ruth is fed up and can’t walk very far, so we have been getting the bus one stop and sitting on walls a lot. Ruth has spent many hours waiting for checkups at the hospital, and talking about c-sections, then the doctors are surprised when her blood pressure is up! Her blood pressure is fine when not down the hospital.

Apparently, elephants are pregnant for 22 months, and at the moment it feels that I have been pregnant for that long. And to add insult to injury, Neil’s friend’s girlfriend had her baby on my due date. Congratulations to Sarah and Pete, Sophie looks beautiful.

My birthday has been and gone, although I was sure I was going to go into labour that day because the day before I was cleaning everything in the flat. The whole place is spotless and Neil said that there is nothing left to clean. Even behind the fridge is very clean.

I had a lovely birthday and we went and drank a sneaky glass of champagne on the grass as it was hot and sunny. Thanks to everyone for all my cards, presents and birthday wishes – very much appreciated. Jasmine picked out a 15 feet ‘Happy Birthday’ banner for me as it had all of the cast from ‘In the Night Garden’ on it and she recognised them. We have it wrapped right round our living room. It is brilliant.

So, we are just waiting now. Unfortunately, as I had that really bad cough for weeks, I pulled the big muscle (intercostal) under my left rib so had difficulty breathing without pain. It was just healing up nicely, when I had to climb over dialysis boxes in the middle of the night to get out of bed and I ripped it again. It really hurt. And then I went on my big cleaning frenzy and walked for miles each day as I had lots of energy and was having trouble sleeping, but didn’t realise that I was overcompensating so that I wouldn’t hurt my left side and have managed to pull the muscle in my right lower back. As it sits on a nerve, everytime I stand on my right leg I get a shooting pain up and down my whole leg and it is very difficult to walk.

I managed to set up the dialysis machine yesterday evening and then walked crab-like leaning on the wall to the acupuncturists round the corner to see if she could do anything for me. She stuck some pins in it which has eased it a bit today but the pain was excruciating on the way home. I thought I was going to stand in the street and cry and embarrass myself but luckily I bumped into a neighbour – the poor thing has a hernia – so we walked back together, very slowly, moaning. He was funny as he hadn’t noticed I was pregnant.

Normally, I get spotted for miles around as the pregnant woman and have middle-aged women rushing up to me in the street saying, “Oh you’ll have your hands full,” as they gesticulate at Jasmine in the buggy. The day we heard it four times when we went out looking at double buggies, Neil got really cross. I actually said to the last woman, “You don’t know the half of it, love.” As I was feeling a bit cheeky. The other day some woman asked me when I was due and I said, “Tomorrow.” She said, “Oh no.” I do wonder how some people get through life with such a cheery attitude.

Neil is a star and took over dialysis this morning and said, “Look at the clip of you.” He has a point! It would be funny the way I walk, if I wasn’t in such agony. The doctor, when I went for my antenatal appointment yesterday morning (Jasmine in the buggy so I had something to lean on to help me walk normally) recommended paracetamol, as there isn’t much else a pregnant lady can safely take, but I haven’t bothered since paracetamol doesn’t do a great deal for me.

I have been contracting away at night and then it stops after an hour so now I just go to sleep and think: ‘Whatever!’. We just have to be a bit patient, but please pray for me as the hospital only give you 12 days as a VBACer, before they give you a c-section. I know whatever happens it will be the best for the baby and I, but it would be much better dialysis-wise if I could just have a natural birth and the thought of not being able to pick Jasmine up for six weeks makes me cry.

We have tried all the old wives tales to bring on labour. On one list on the internet it said foot rub which Neil gave me and then asked if the next thing on the list was something like ‘Get husband to paint the kitchen/do the ironing/go shopping’, which made me laugh. The other thing that makes us laugh is all the twinges and symptoms I keep getting, as according to the pregnancy book, labour is imminent. So anytime anything happens we say, ‘Oh labour is imminent’. We have started saying it to Neil too whenever he gets any symptoms, e.g., needing to go to the toilet, as they are so generic they could apply to anyone.

Jasmine is great fun at the moment. She knows where her nose is and touches it when you say ‘nose’. I tied a belt to the babywalker yesterday afternoon and dragged her round our communal courtyard as she was bored being in the flat and I couldn’t really walk so we went and sat out there. She was a bit confused at first but soon got the hang of it and we had fun – me dragging her forward and Jasmine pushing herself backwards and laughing.

Whilst we were out there, another neighbour asked me if I was afraid being on my own so heavily pregnant, unable to walk properly, and with a young child (she had had to hold the door open for me for quite a while whilst I crab-walked sideways dragging Jasmine in the babywalker through the doorway). People are so funny. Neil would have found us in the courtyard on his way home.

Jasmine has hit another milestone – six months without an NG tube. Our consultant at Gt Ormond St congratulated us and said that it was a fantastic achievement, which was really nice of her and it makes me cry just thinking about it. I guess I am a bit hormonal today, perhaps labour is imminent (Grrrr). Or, it could be just that the Boro have gone down and I am very sad.

We had another clinic at Great Ormond Street on Monday. It is hard to believe that it is four weeks since the last one. That means that it is also time to do the stock take for the next delivery of dialysis fluid. Everyone was disappointed that we didn’t bring another baby with us. Ruth is VERY pregnant now!

Jasmine is still growing at 50g a week, slow but steady. Her bloods are generally ok. Her haemoglobin is a bit low so we are going to increase the epo dosage. Epo only comes in certain quantities, and is expensive, so we aren’t going to give 1500 units a week, but 1000 one week followed by 2000 the next week. That will save her from having separate 1000 unit and 500 unit injections. She is still too small to have the semi-automatic pen, and has to have a subcutaneous injection in her leg.

Jasmine’s cholesterol was high on one set of blood results, so next time she has bloods done we have to make sure she has no food for four hours before. We will give her some water though. Otherwise her blood is very thick and it is painful to get a sample.

The consultant said that we can start to think about transplants a bit more definitely and Jasmine should be able to be transplanted before the end of the year, which will be fantastic. There is a long way to go yet though.

We had a trip to the hospital to talk about live kidney donation. The surgeon was still in theatre, so we met with the surgical registrar. We went through all the standard questions again, just to be sure. It is good that I don’t smoke and am not overweight.

Though my Glomerular Filtration Rate (GFR) is below average for my age at around 85, it is not that far below (98 plus or minus 39, from Epstein 1996). Although kidney function generally decreases with age in many cases it may stay constant for many years.

We got to see the results of my CT scan on the computer, so I had a good look at my liver, stomach, kidneys, intestines, etc. They all looked OK to me, and thankfully they all looked OK to the doctors as well. By this time Jasmine had got bored and was singing away loudly to herself, so Ruth took her back to the waiting room.

There was a woman in the waiting room who had donated her kidney three weeks before. She looked pretty well, so that was encouraging. She was showing her scar to the receptionist, so Ruth had a good look. Ruth tried to ask her some questions, but was too upset at the sight of a scar, even though it was nice and neat.

The surgical procedure would be to use key hole surgery to extract the kidney. The plan is to take the left kidney, as the ureter is longer. The artery and vein are sewn shut with titanium. They use multiple stitches instead of a single clip, so it cannot pop off.

The registrar went through the possible complications. Most common is excessive bleeding, at five percent, requiring a blood transfusion. In one case in a hundred the bleeding is so bad that they have to change from key hole surgery to open surgery to stop the bleeding, which would significantly increase the recovery time. One in 3000 cases they miss some bleeding and you have had it….

Then there is intra-abdominal infections. Physical injury to the bowel, spleen, etc. Most of these can be corrected and will be apparent while in hospital. Chest infections and urinary tract infections are also possible. A hernia may develop after leaving the hospital.

The surgeons seem to think it is fairly routine, as they do the surgery all the time. That is reassuring, but at the same time they have to tell you about all the things that could go wrong, which is not reassuring at all! As Jasmine is so young she needs the best chance of a transplant that will last a long time, and a cadaver kidney is unlikely to last as long as a live one. And you can only have a limited number of kidney transplants before you run out of plumbing to attach things to. Jasmine needs the best kidney as soon as possible, as one of our doctors said, “Jasmine needs a transplant as dialysis shortens your life…. Well, transplantation shortens your life too.”

Jasmine came home one year ago today. So, today we give thanks for the wonderful people who look after us so carefully at the hospital, and for all the amazing equipment we have at home which allows us to tuck Jasmine up in the cot next to us every night.

Things may have been a bit tough but I wouldn’t swap a minute of it. Jasmine is smart and beautiful and we love her.

I had several contractions the other day and was convinced I was in labour. It felt very real. So, I ran about the flat saying that I wasn’t ready, and was quite glad when they wore off after an hour. I have a new mobile phone and haven’t quite got the hang of texting on it yet so when I texted my doula to say I was having contractions but wasn’t sure, was it Brackston-Hicks? She got a message from me saying, “I have had some crack”. She was slightly alarmed. I didn’t have any false labour with Jasmine so this is all new to me.

I packed my bag that evening when things calmed down. And now, I am ready to have this baby and am quite excited, albeit a bit sad that Neil and Jasmine won’t be there. I still have a rotten cough, and Jasmine is still full of cold and was snoring so heavily in the cot last night, but in a very cute way. I got my chest checked at my last doctor’s appointment. All clear, thank goodness. Jasmine is looking really well and her vomiting is right down, which is brilliant! But we keep peering at her wondering what is going on. She hasn’t vomited as little as this for a long, long time. Neil is his usual wonderful self – a bit tired with all the extra things he is now picking up, as I find I am needing a bit of a nap in the afternoons, which then makes me a bit restless and chatty at bedtime, which he can well do without when he wants some sleep.

Tomorrow we are off to see the transplant surgeons and talk about Neil’s spare kidney, so that will definitely bring on labour, but luckily we will be in a hospital. I am always impressed with Neil and am thrilled to be his wife, added to that now, I am in awe of him and his desire to do his best for Jasmine.

We have found a new use for all our spare dialysis boxes. Jasmine loved being dragged about in it yesterday and squealed with delight for over an hour. We are wondering if we can fit the new baby in one, as things are pretty snug in our flat.

So much for turning the corner. I was disconnecting Jasmine this morning and the catheter slipped out of my hand and dropped into the cot, leaving me holding the cap which is supposed to cover the dark blue part of the catheter which no one is ever supposed to touch, and it was there open and touching the sheets. I picked the catheter up and for a split second (which felt like forever) I stared at it. I was so stunned at this outcome that I didn’t know what to do. Luckily, Neil was there and said, “Put the cap on.” So I did.

Then we rang the ward and went down there. The lovely nurses took a sample from Jasmine’s peritoneum and sent it off for testing. Luckily, the white cell count came back as seven, which is great and we came home with two nights of bags full of antibiotics.

Actually we pushed the buggy full of dialysis fluid round to PizzaExpress and we had our lunch. And as Jasmine’s temperature had been higher than it should have been on the very hot ward (37.9) during her observations, we took her temperature again and rang the ward to tell them it was all normal again (37.2). After that and a big nice pizza, we got a cab home.

We were so lucky. I am so cross with myself. But as Neil said, if he had done it, I wouldn’t have been angry with him. He certainly wasn’t angry with me. We are so hard on ourselves, and I am trying to forgive myself. Anyway, at least Jasmine is fine. We got her checked out and we have antibiotics so that is good.