Jasmine Stalker-Firth

So we have just got back from the hospital tonight with Jasmine. Today, I was on duty and took Jasmine off dialysis and checked her drain bag as always. All was good and we got on with the day.

Tonight, Neil took the machine down and saw that I hadn’t properly broken the seal on the dialysate bag which we put on the heater. The seal is in the middle of the bag which has two chambers – one contains calcium and the other has sodium bicarbonate and mixing them together allows the dialysate to maintain the correct Ph level for the body. So, last night we were pumping Jasmine full of sodium bicarbonate all because I didn’t fully snap this seal.

We rang the ward and they told us to come in immediately as Jasmine’s electrolytes could be all over the place and Jasmine herself at risk of alkalosis, which left untreated can cause low potassium levels, putting immense strain on the heart and ultimately heart failure.

I am horrified and cannot forgive myself. This happened because, yet again, Neil and I were arguing about the stupid couple who won’t leave us alone. I cannot believe I put Jasmine at risk because I was angry at this selfish couple who won’t take responsibility for their actions and blatantly don’t care who they hurt. And that is the last time I am mentioning it as I sound like a stuck record and might just spontaneously combust if I think about it anymore.

So, we rushed down there and one of our lovely nurses took charge of us and was very comforting and the lovely phlebotomist took Jasmine’s bloods. Jasmine was calm through them and got a squeaky book because she had been so good. All the nurses are just fantastic and look after us so well, but it just so happened tonight that when the night shift turned up, they were some of the ones who looked after Jasmine during our three months stay so we knew them all well, and I was relieved at the thought of leaving my baby with them overnight (even though she would have been perfectly fine with the ones we don’t know so well – but who is rational at a time like this?).

A couple of hours later, the blood results came back ok and we were allowed to go home. The doctor mentioned that Jasmine has chronically high levels of sodium biocarbonate already and they weren’t much higher after my performance last night. Her heart sounded ok and she was in herself fine. In fact, she has had her first fantastic feeding day for months. She only threw up about four times instead of her usual 20+. She has been wimpering today and yesterday as she is cutting two more teeth at the front, bringing the grand total to six.

So, after saying goodbye to all our lovely nurses, tonight we are back at home and I am on my knees giving thanks.

This week is a big week. We are meeting with the transplant surgeons to talk about the future, which is really scary, but ultimately, it is something we should look on positively as it will give us a different sort of life. I am just having trouble adjusting to this thought and that is why we need to spend our time in counselling wisely and not banging on about things/people that I shouldn’t care about.

I am exhausted typing this. Last night I was up half the night with Jasmine vomiting and pooing because of this bug that she has, so Neil has taken over looking after her, and I am off to bed. Our new baby is kicking away as I type this, which is lovely as we try not to worry about her, but it is hard and sadly, we don’t seem to get the time to do the chatting and the massaging to my big bump that we did when I was pregnant with Jasmine. Although Jasmine had a go yesterday at rubbing my tummy and putting her fingers into my navel, which was very nice. And sometimes, in quiet moments I wonder how we are going to cope with a baby on dialysis and a newborn in our tiny, tiny flat, just the two of us. Although, I am thrilled to be having this baby and feel so lucky to be Jasmine’s mother. Especially, as this time three years ago I was recovering from a miscarriage and was told that I was infertile and unlikely to conceive without assistance (and they didn’t mean just Neil’s). Right now we might be having some tricky times but being married to Neil and being Jasmine’s mother and having a new baby are the most enriching experiences and I am so grateful.

Thank you everyone for the lovely supportive messages and emails. And thank you for reading the blog. Knowing you are out there taking an interest and feeling connected lifts us up and helps us immensely, especially on those days when even after chocolate biscuits, yoga and meditation, I have a little bit of trouble and feel a tad sorry for myself (especially yesterday when the Boro lost 3-0 to West Brom [WEST BROM!] and are now in the relegation zone).

Jasmine is totally addicted to In The Night Garden and sits wide-eyed watching it. I don’t see why, there isn’t much of a plot and Igglepiggle is annoying as he loses his blanket all the time (he runs like Jasmine’s Uncle Iain – well just the once when we had both had one shandy too many in Zurich and were trying to catch a cab). Why doesn’t he tie his blanket round his waist? But Jasmine loves it and I love watching her, watching them, and waving bye-bye when they all go to bed.

Jasmine is smart and gorgeous and we love her. We are thrilled that we are all home together tonight. Here is the latest cutest picture of our girl, which was taken especially for her Grandma Stalker’s birthday.

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 18th, 2009 at 11:37 pm and is filed under home. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.