These past six weeks have been the toughest since we brought Jasmine home from hospital. She has been ill a lot, which has been scary at times. And we have been ill too, which has been exhausting, as it is difficult to do all the things we need to do on a daily basis. And at times I have wondered how we could possibly continue.
Jasmine is doing a lot better but still has a chesty cough and lots of mucus. We have been putting Vicks on her chest and giving her the odd bit of Calpol. Neil is feeling much better but says that I am a bio-hazard at the moment as I just can’t shake off my cough and I have missed out on lots of cuddles because of what I can transmit. I am so tired of the neti pot and salt gargles. But, I am really good at coughing as I have been up quite a few nights practising.
Today though, I picked her up as I just wanted a cuddle and Jasmine put her hands on my face and kissed me. It was just lovely.
Thrilled as I am to be pregnant, I would not recommend being eight months pregnant and doing dialysis. It is just too much. Neil is a total star all the time, but dialysis is too much for one person, especially when he has been really ill too. We are a team.
I have been quite lucky and managed to avoid the symptoms in the pregnancy book, but the other day I had terrible back pain. It was right under the bone of my right shoulder blade and during a three-minutes handwash would get very, very sore – like a stabbing pain. But, clean hands after three minutes of scrubbing them focus the mind and make it possible to ignore any pains. Anyway, I was sure it was back pain. So, I looked it up on the babycentre website, which made me feel worse: It said that it was stress-related back pain or some horrible liver complaint or I was in early labour, blah, blah, etc. Anyway, after much ado and Neil sensibly getting involved (well apart from when he asked me if I was getting washed enough and was I changing my bra regularly. How rude!), it turns out that I have a spot (a spot! I don’t get spots) and it has been rubbing against my very unsexy maternity bras until the pain gets unbearable. It was not back pain at all. So, now that it has sudocrem on it and is stinging, I am so relieved. I still have a bit more yoga, kegel exercises and positive visualisations I would like to do in preparation for early labour.
So, today I feel like we have turned the corner. Although, to be fair I have said that every couple of days for six weeks through all the long nights, and extra blood tests, astronomical amounts of vomiting, and piles of washing everywhere. I have said it so often, I am sure Neil has wanted to strangle me. I know I would have done if I had been him. But Jasmine’s bloods have started to return to their ‘normal’ levels (of chronically sick child) instead of the frightening levels they were at before. And she has put on a little bit of weight. And today we got the vomiting down to around 1/10 of her daily feed, which was just amazing. This has involved an exhausting feeding schedule of every two hours and a bit of a struggle, but it has worked. We are both a bit fed up but it has been worth it.
Yesterday, we had a delivery and normally I would be moaning about the slot as it was 12.40 – 16.40 but I just didn’t care. I am just so grateful that we get deliveries and that Jasmine’s dialysis hasn’t needed to be changed. We have finally had the time to enjoy the fact that it is down to 12 hours each day. It makes life so much easier.
The lovely Baxter delivery man came early so we got the chance to go for a walk and so we wandered off to the Arsenal stadium and went and sat in the ‘E’ of the Arsenal sign as it provided lots of shade.
Today, as part of getting a bag ready for the hospital, we got out all the old baby clothes which we have washed and put away and I cried a bit as they all brought back so many memories. I kept holding up the tiniest things against her as I can’t believe how she has grown. She tried to chew them all of course and really didn’t care.
Jasmine’s latest thing is to shout ‘Mam’ everytime Neil leaves the room, which is really funny. She also has three molars. One of the top back ones looked all full of tooth decay the other day and I was having a big stress, but after a bit of research I found out that some baby teeth come through in a sack of blood. So, that was a bit of a relief. Today, the ‘tooth decay’ has disappeared – well almost, so that is great! I was having visions of trying to get her on a dentist chair and really I didn’t like them.
We have got Jasmine a toothbrush, but she finds the whole thing a bit confusing, although when we brush our teeth (and when the Tombliboos in The Night Garden do theirs) she thinks it is rather funny.
When you chat to Jasmine she laughs politely when she thinks what you are saying is funny. I don’t know how she knows when to laugh but she does (amazing, some people never learn appropriate reponses – my girl could be a diplomat). And she only does it when it is something funny. And when you feed her on a night and she is half asleep and you put her on your shoulder, she pats your back to get your wind up.