Jasmine Stalker-Firth

It was our dialysis delivery day today and normally I moan my head off about having to stay in but today, I was so glad just to be able to sit down at home and not be waiting in a hospital, doctor’s surgery, chiropodists, or chiropractors. Huzzah! I am glad all these places exist and look after us so well, but it is nice when you don’t have to go to them. I didn’t have much of a sit down as Jasmine kept throwing up everywhere and Calista was a bit grizzly too and vomited a whole feed back up. Neil has had an upset stomach which started the other night and has left him feeling ill and weak so, I think they have all had a bug, as there was a lot more vomit than usual all round. Fingers crossed I don’t catch it as I was in charge of dialysis and giving Jasmine her epo injection (boo hiss) this evening.

As Jasmine’s dialysis regime has changed, the Baxter man arrived with 21 boxes of dialysis fluid. Our living room is now one big dialysis store room and we are out of ideas about what to do with them. So, they are just piled up against one wall. After the lovely Baxter man left, all four of us went for a lie-down. Unfortunately, I was near the phone which kept bloody ringing with annoying people offering me debt collection schemes and wanting to do surveys on me.

This week has been the busiest, but all the appointments went quite smoothly and we were really lucky that we didn’t have to wait too long for any of them. On Tuesday my six-week check-up went well and afterwards I came straight home to pick up my girl Jasmine and give her a big cuddle. I have really missed picking her up whenever we need a cuddle and having to ask Neil to put her on my knee and take her off again has been a bit of a drag all round. She has gotten so big and is quite heavy, but it is lovely to pick her up whenever. I know that I am getting stronger as I can almost do all the exercises the chiropractor has set me. This evening I got my little carpet cleaner out to wash the carpet, although it is a bit of a lost cause now with all the vomit stains everywhere, but since Jasmine rolls about a lot on the carpet, it is nice to know that it is clean for her even if it looks a state. I must be recovering if I have the energy to scrub the carpet.

On Wednesday, Jasmine’s parathyroid scan seemed to be ok. We won’t find out the results until the next clinic but the sonographer said that if you can’t see the parathyroid on the scan, which she couldn’t, then all is well. We walked down to GOSH as we had to travel in rush hour and two buggies on the tube can be a bit of a challenge. After lunch, Calista got a clean bill of health at her six week check-up. And late afternoon we even managed to fit in some Abbot food pump training. The lady came to our house which was nice. After she went Neil and I lay on the sofa stuffing our faces with chocolate biscuits to build up the strength to do the machine and the dressing and all the evening chores, as we were really tired by then.

On Thursday morning, Neil went round to the doctors to get various ailments treated. I think he is run down after his heroic non-stop dialysis duty and generally looking after everyone. The poor man needs a Bob Martins, as my mother would say. After the doctors he went to the chemist to pick up all of our supplies and struggled home under the weight of the massive maxijul tubs that Jasmine uses. And then he went down to the concierge to drag back our new food pump and all of its accessories. The concierge came with him as there were a lot of boxes.

We also have some new style reusable medicina syringes for Jasmine’s medicines. You can use them seven times – it says seven days on the box, but we are interpreting this as seven times, as I am sure they won’t spontaneously combust at the end of the week. You have to wash them before you can use them even though they arrive in a sealed packet. How to do this and whether you should sterilise them before use is just not clear, but they do have jolly pictures on the side of the box. So, if you draw up your medicines one at a time just before you give them, then life is going to be one big cycle of washing your syringes and sterilising them before use, or worrying about whether you should have sterilised them if you are just washing them. Mmm! Not great when you have a load of other stuff to do. After a bit of a dither this morning, I washed a big handful, sterilised them and then drew up some Ranitidine. My top tip is to separate them out, and put them in a colander and fill the sink up with Fairy Liquid and let them soak for a while and then rinse them out – no hassle since they are in the colander – and then put them in the steriliser. Ours is one of those microwave steam ones which are really good.

This morning, Jasmine put her arms out for Calista. I put Calista into Jasmine’s arms and Jasmine hugged and kissed her, and then job done, Jasmine got a bit distracted and poked Calista in the eye.
Jasmine is also totally distracted by Calista’s new fabulous booties (thanks Nicola) and funky feetfinders (thank you Barbara) and pulls them off poor Calista’s feet.

I think that the new dialysis regime is doing something as Jasmine has been waking up at 6am instead of 5am. That extra hour is just magic, as are my girls! (And Neil of course!)

Jasmine had her line changed today at GOSH. The titanium connector has worked very well and lasted seven months without any problems. The line has to be soaked in Bettadine for three minutes before the catheter can be changed, to minimise the chance of infection. The risk is low, so we don’t have any prophylactic antibiotics this time. I held Jasmine during the line change and our lovely nurse clinician very kindly made Ruth a cup of tea (who was a bit teary after a big transplant talk) and was very encouraging about the way we care for Jasmine, which was just what we needed to keep us going in this busy week.

Jasmine’s dialysis volumes have been increased again, to a fill volume of 500 mls, so she needs three dialysis fluid bags a night, rather than two. This means that our next delivery will be bigger, but since we are using the dialysis boxes as furniture in the living room that isn’t a problem.

We walked all the way to UCH for an ultrasound scan for Calista, as Ruth’s hip is much better now. They couldn’t see any problems with Calista’s kidneys, so that is a relief. It is now six weeks since Ruth’s c-section, so she can start doing some exercise.

At GOSH we also met the transplant co-ordinator, who went into more detail about what we have to do pre and post-transplant. Jasmine needs a magnetic resonance venography (MRV) to check that all her veins are free from blood clots. She also needs another electrocardiogram (ECG) to check that her heart isn’t under strain. Post-transplant her blood pressure will be maintained at a higher level to match my blood pressure, and she will need at least two litres of fluids per day to keep it hydrated. This will put extra strain on her heart, but will limit the amount of tissue that is damaged in the new kidney.

We should be able to get hospital transport to and from our flat, as it is important not to go on public transport until the immunosuppressant regime is stabilised. This will make our lives a bit easier, as getting to and from hospitals with two kids can be a struggle, especially during rush hour and once Jasmine is discharged we will be going everyday for at least a month and then every other day and so on until we work down to monthly visits. Any infections could cause the kidney to start rejecting, and any changes in her bloods will mean immediately being admitted into hospital. If Jasmine or I have an infection pre-transplant, even the morning of the operation, it could delay the operation by months.

Jasmine had clinic down at Great Ormond Street on Monday. There were lots of changes this week. Her length (71 cm) and head are still on the 0.4th centile, but she has been putting on a bit too much weight around the middle, so the dietician cut back on the glucose supplements. She is about 9.5 kg which is 21 pounds.

They had some new products in clinic. We tried out the CATHcarry exit site dressing. You can see the exit site through a clear window, which is a bit freaky. There is also a loop on top of the dressing that is supposed to hold the catheter safely. However, it just seemed to give Jasmine something to grab hold of and she instantly started tugging off the dressing. The dressing would need trimming down for Jasmine, and we lost 1 hour 25 minutes of dwell time overnight, so we are going to stick with the cutiplast dressings that we are used to.

Jasmine’s blood results show that her Parathyroid Hormone is high (higher than her normal chronically high level), so her calcium-based phosphate binder has been increased, and her one-alpha vitamin D supplement has been decreased. The doctors are always closely monitoring these levels. This is a common problem with peritoneal dialysis, and is difficult to manage, especially in babies. Jasmine has to go for a neck ultrasound to see how these imbalances are affecting her parathyroid. These problems should all clear up after transplant.

Jasmine’s dialysis program has also been changed as her surface area has increased. She is still on 12 hours a night, with 9 dwells, but her fill volume has been increased to 450 mls, and her last bag fill is up to 250 mls. Increasing the volume causes Jasmine some extra discomfort, and she took a few days to get used to the change. She has been waking up at 5am vomiting and screaming every morning now, for several months, whatever the program, so we take turns to get up and see to her.

Jasmine is also due for a line change on her catheter, as it has been on for six months. We have to go back to GOSH to have the catheter changed. We will probably have to do prophylactic antibiotics for two days, to prevent against infection.

Calista is doing well, sometimes sleeping through the night to 5 am. She is putting on weight, and is up to 5 kg (11 pounds). She is starting to stay awake a bit through the day and is looking about at lights and peoples faces and smiling. She has had various rashes, nappy rash, prickly heat spots on her head, and rashes around her neck where she dribbles, but otherwise is doing well. We are taking down to UCH this week for an ultrasound on her kidneys. Her blood results came back fine last week, after our last check up there, so that was a big relief. We also registered her at the nearby town hall after our visit.

Ruth’s hip is much better and she only has to go to the chiropractor every two weeks now. She has her six week check up next week, and will hopefully get signed off, so she can start doing some exercises, and strengthen her back.

So, we will be a little busy this week as we have to go to UCH for Calista’s ultrasound, then GOSH for Jasmine’s ultrasound, then the GP for Ruth’s six week checkup and I have to go to the chiropodist, then back to GOSH for Jasmine’s line change and a chat with the transplant co-ordinator, and then off to the baby clinic for Calista’s six week check-up. We also get our monthly Baxter delivery of dialysis fluid and the other medical supplies, and we will get a new food pump from Abbot, which our PCT has decided should replace the Fresenius one.

Thank you everyone for all the lovely presents for both girls. We very much appreciate them.

Busy has taken on a new meaning with one new baby and a toddler (well in a babywalker) on dialysis. We had appointments every day this week: three visits to the chiropractor, one newborn hearing test, Jasmine’s second MMR, and our monthly dialysis delivery. To say nothing of an endless round of midwife and health visitor home visits, who promise they will come early morning and then don’t and make you stay in all day. We also squeezed in trips to the chemist for hand cream and bandages and the doctors to register Calista.

The weather has been lovely, but it means that we have to do all our dialysis chores in the morning as the flat gets too hot in the afternoon (average temperature 28o c). Calista is settling in nicely and is sleeping five or so hours in the night. Jasmine has been learning how to do stickers in her ‘In the Night Garden’ book (thanks to Auntie Claire and Uncle Iain), and has been applying her new knowledge to peeling stickers off the bus which indicate where people are supposed to put their wheelchairs.

After much research (i.e. stopping strangers in the street), we have decided against a double buggy. They are too heavy, too wide, you can’t go down the tube steps, on the bus, or in a black cab with them, so we have bought a second single buggy and now go everywhere in convoy. We now need a couple of walkie talkies to complete the convoy effect, so we can shout 10-4, 10-4, at each other, or whatever it is you say. Jasmine keeps leaning over to grab the other buggy, causing the wheels to get locked together, so now we have to go in single file. I laughed so hard the other day about being in convoy that I thought Neil was going to cross the road and leave me.

My scar is healing up nicely, and I am walking better thanks to the chiropractor. My legs are now the same length again, which is a good thing. It never occurred to me that I was limping because my right leg was shorter, I thought it was just that I was in pain. Calista’s navel has healed up, and Neil’s wrists are looking a bit better. I have been doing the exit site and injections so the poor man only has to wash his hands in surgical scrub for 15 minutes a day instead of the usual 20 minutes. This week I am going to start doing the machine to give Neil a break.

This evening, we were eating Thorntons Chocolates (thanks Claire and Iain) and there seemed to be half of one on Neil’s t-shirt. I asked what flavour it was. Neil picked it up and said, “Ah it’s the rest of Calista’s umbilical cord.” I am glad that it has finally come off as it has been hanging on by a thread now for a couple of days and I was nervous of knocking it. Neil is now cleaning her navel and can’t decide if it is an innie or an outie.

So the past few days have been a bit hectic but lovely. We came home last Wednesday, 48 hours after the operation. Unfortunately, it was the day of the tube strike and black cabs were very hard to come by. And if you get a private cab you need each child in a car seat. We had Calista in the car seat and Jasmine in the buggy. So, after watching Neil work up a sweat (it was a warm day) running up and down Tottenham Court Road, we abandoned going home and went round to the Grafton Hotel for afternoon tea. It was lovely – sandwiches and cream scones and pots of tea – and best of all when we had finished the staff ran up and down outside and got us a black cab.

My stay at UCH was brilliant. Everyone worked really hard to give me a natural birth. Two hours before I went down to theatre the surgeons came up as I was contracting really hard to see if there was any chance of breaking my waters and inducing me, as they knew how much I wanted to avoid surgery. My cervix still wouldn’t cooperate so surgery it was, but at least when I went down to theatre I knew that we had all tried everything. Everyone was really lovely, even though I kept pestering the anesthesthetist about my blood pressure readings and answering all the questions that the surgeon was asking the medical student (I was lying there like a swot going ‘I know, I know’). Calista cried on coming out immediately which was lovely and very different to Jasmine’s birth as she didn’t cry for a long time and there were a lot more staff needed to work on her before she was whisked away to intensive care. With Calista, Neil got to cut the cord and he carried her into the recovery room with me. Then our doula came in with Jasmine so we got to be our family almost immediately.

The other thing that I found interesting was that there were posters on the wall advising against umbilical cord and blood collection. The Royal College of Obstetrics and The Royal College of Midwives have both said that the risks posed to mother and child during the procedure far outweigh any known benefits, particularly as someone has to come in from the outside. We have asked several surgeons too, who have told us that it is gimmick.

The rest of my stay was just fantastic as the midwives were very kind and sensitive and looked after me really well. It makes me a bit teary to think how lovely they were. With their help and the nursery nurse’s, Calista and I soon got the hang of breastfeeding and luckily, my milk arrived as soon as Calista did. I did do a bit of twisting about though when I was on my own breastfeeding, because of my scar and the pain and gave myself a bit of backache.

After all the drugs wore off my back got worse and by the time I got home I had pins and needles in my lower pelvis everytime I sat down and then my walking got a bit worse and I was a bit worried about it. So, yesterday I went to see a chiropractor who examined me and said that my pelvis is no longer aligned and my right hip is twisted upwards which is causing all the pain. She was very gentle with me because of the scar and started treatment getting it all realigned. I was in agony on the way home but by last night I could walk about normally for the first time in weeks. I am so relieved and am going again tomorrow to continue treatment as it will take a few weeks but we have caught it in time to prevent nerve damage. Thank Goodness. I have a nice icepack to sit on too. Last night though I said to Neil, “Oh no the pins and needles have come back.” And after some discussion Neil realised that I had been sitting on my icepack for an hour which would cause anyone’s bum to go numb. I thought it had only been ten minutes, as time seems to have lost all meaning and I don’t know if it is day or night half the time.

It is funny as up until I did my back in I was very proud of having good pregnancies with no symptoms. But I have learnt my lesson and will no longer be proud as Neil keeps saying to me: “Pride comes before a great big pain up the bum.”

Jasmine has taken to Calista really well. Most of the time she strokes her head gently. We keep saying ‘Gently, gently’ at her and are wondering if Jasmine thinks that is Calista’s name. And then sometimes Jasmine gets a bit fed up of Calista’s crying. The other day Jasmine put one finger in her ear as Calista was crying loudly during Jasmine’s ‘In the Night Garden’. Today, Jasmine was giving Calista little kisses when I was feeding her and we were all sitting together on the day bed.

The hardest bit is that I can’t pick Jasmine up so when Neil is off doing dialysis I have to make sure she can’t dive off the day bed or that we are all on the floor, which up until now has been hard for me to get up and down without straining myself. I am a bit nervous about the scar which has been weeping and bleeding a bit as it hasn’t closed up properly yet. Neil is bathing it for me with sterile water. We are using whole sachets of sterile water now. First of all we open it to do Jasmine’s exit site, then we clean Calista’s navel, and then we clean my scar. Funny, I don’t know if my scar from Jasmine’s birth was weeping or bleeding as I never looked at it. We were so preoccupied with Jasmine and getting down to the hospital everyday.

We have had lots of midwife visits. One came on Friday and took my stitches out, which was a relief as they were really digging in. And tomorrow we have the health visitor coming round and then on Sunday another midwife. They keep checking my scar and seeing if Calista is ok. So, far she has put on weight twice and was up to 3.86kgs (her birth weight was 3.76kgs) which apparently is unusual for a breastfed baby. Neil and I do think this new baby marlarky is very nice – no mixing of special food, no weighing nappies and babies, no blood pressures or temperatures, or setting up machines. It is great. And Calista is a very cool baby. When she wakes in the night for a feed it is normally after four or five hours, and we have all been napping in the afternoons too so I am not feeling too tired.

So much of what is easy with Calista, like dressing her, changing her nappy, feeding her, just reminds me how tough it has been for Jasmine, and somedays it makes me weepy. Tomorrow when I go to the chiropractor Neil wants me to pump a bit of milk before I go, so that Calista has something whilst I am not here. He is right and I will do it even though I loathe that breast pump in the cupboard because it reminds me of those three tough months at GOSH where I pumped my breasts four times a day in the hospital and at home through all the good times and the bad. Anyway, that was then and this is now.

Poor Neil’s hands and arms have broken out with dialysis and he has cotton gloves which he wears in bed. But they don’t cover his wrists so he has taken to rubbing lanolin – Lansinoh – on his wrists and then bandaging them up during the day. So when he goes outside he gets some funny looks. We also use the Lansinoh for Calista’s nappy rash and my very sore stretch marks. Fantastic.

Calista got nappy rash as the baby doctor at UCH wanted to make sure that she was passing urine so they put a bag on her overnight to see, which irritated her skin. But was worth it, as it was great to see urine in the bag. And as the doctor was very thorough, Calista is also booked in for an ultrasound and to see a consultant to make sure that her kidneys are working as they should. I know this is a good thing but I have a meltdown everytime I think about going to the hospital.

This photo made us laugh. It is obviously what Calista thinks of getting her photo taken and reminded us of the Rangers footballers who got lifetime bans after making the same gesture before the Scottish game against Iceland.

Today, was the first day that I did some dialysis. Jasmine needed her dressing doing and her weekly epotein injection. I did those as it is easier for Neil to hold Jasmine as she is getting quite big now and I haven’t recovered enough yet to wrestle with her. Although, I did manage to hold her down the minute Calista and I came home from hospital as her dressing needed changing.

On Monday we went to Clinic and Jasmine has put on weight and grown in length. She is now 70.3cm long and has moved up to the 2nd centile, which is absolutely fantastic. And tonight she hit the 9kg mark – but a lot of that will be fluid, and her last bag fill. Even so, she seems to have grown a lot and looks quite big – and that is not just because Calista is so small.

It was lovely going down to Clinic as everyone made a lovely fuss of Calista and Jasmine and it was the first time I had been out of the flat really as the midwife said I should take it easy, especially after she found out about our trip to the Grafton Hotel for afternoon tea. Clinic was good and Jasmine is doing well and is nice and stable. Afterwards, we popped up to the ward to see our lovely nurses and show Calista off.

Neil has been in charge of food and decided that we should mainly be eating bagels. This is because he went to a lecture last week and we decided that the best thing was that he should take Jasmine, since I can’t lift her. The lecture was due to take place near Brick Lane and the fantastic bagel shop there. Neil just hoped that the other students wouldn’t mind when Jasmine shouted, “Mam”, and “Baba” too much. Luckily, he got there and the lecture was cancelled but he still managed to come home with far too many bagels as he could load the buggy up with them.

Calista has been sleeping in a moses basket but today we have put her in a crib. Our neighbour Sandra has kindly given us it as her baby has grown out of it and so this evening, after much shifting of dialysis boxes and the rest we have put Calista in it. Calista is nicely settled and we have fixed Jasmine’s old mobile over the top and Calista is snuggled down in her new sleeping bag – another gift from her Auntie Claire and Uncle Iggle Piggle. It was very nice and a bit strange to just zip her up and not have to leave half of it open with a catheter hanging out. It is also very strange in the night when I get up to feed her, I can just leave the bedroom with her too. The crib is good as it has bars either side so it is easier to see her from the bed. With the moses basket I had to get up and peer over.

Oh no, Neil has just done himself a mischief doing his manly yoga, guess I won’t need to pump my breasts after all, as he will be coming with me to the chiropractor to get himself sorted.

It is very snug now in our bedroom but I love it. I am loving every minute of our new family of four and am thrilled to have two beautiful daughters and a wonderful husband.

Thank you to everyone who has sent us cards and presents and left lovely comments and sent us texts. Thank you for sharing our joy.

We are thrilled to announce the arrival of our daughter Calista by caesarian section on Monday 8th June at 4.12pm. Calista weighed in at 3.76kgs (8lbs 3oz), 54cms (21 inches) long.

We are all still waiting for our new baby. Ruth has been having various contractions and pains for days, but nothing that lasts. Apparently rubbing your big toes helps establish labour, at least it is something new to try…

We are all still waiting for the new baby to arrive. Ruth is getting to the stage where she will try any of the old-wives-tales. Drinking pineapple juice is the latest. She has been contracting on and off for a whole week!!!! She is in agony from that, and her pulled muscle, and the baby kicking. It has been moving down, but is not coming out. Ruth is a hero! We have been trying to go for long walks, but that is proving problematic, as Ruth can hardly walk at all – someone offered her wheelchair assistance on the tube the other day…

Jasmine has learned the ‘In the Night Garden’ song for the Tombliboos and now touches her nose whenever the music comes on the TV, or when you sing to her, which is very cute. She also reaches out to touch your nose. Thanks to Grandma Stalker and Auntie Billie for the extremely cute dresses, and short and t-shirts!

We have got out Jasmine’s summer dresses, as it has been very hot. Our flat is all on one side and gets the sun all afternoon. We have been trying to do all our dialysis tasks in the morning, as it gets far too hot when we have to shut the windows. I went a bit mad cooking rice at 8 am this morning, before the heat gets up. I have been driving Ruth mad with my dashing about. Thankfully Jasmine is doing well at the moment, no colds or diarrhea, just the usual amount of vomiting.

We are all still waiting for the new baby. Ruth is fed up and can’t walk very far, so we have been getting the bus one stop and sitting on walls a lot. Ruth has spent many hours waiting for checkups at the hospital, and talking about c-sections, then the doctors are surprised when her blood pressure is up! Her blood pressure is fine when not down the hospital.

Apparently, elephants are pregnant for 22 months, and at the moment it feels that I have been pregnant for that long. And to add insult to injury, Neil’s friend’s girlfriend had her baby on my due date. Congratulations to Sarah and Pete, Sophie looks beautiful.

My birthday has been and gone, although I was sure I was going to go into labour that day because the day before I was cleaning everything in the flat. The whole place is spotless and Neil said that there is nothing left to clean. Even behind the fridge is very clean.

I had a lovely birthday and we went and drank a sneaky glass of champagne on the grass as it was hot and sunny. Thanks to everyone for all my cards, presents and birthday wishes – very much appreciated. Jasmine picked out a 15 feet ‘Happy Birthday’ banner for me as it had all of the cast from ‘In the Night Garden’ on it and she recognised them. We have it wrapped right round our living room. It is brilliant.

So, we are just waiting now. Unfortunately, as I had that really bad cough for weeks, I pulled the big muscle (intercostal) under my left rib so had difficulty breathing without pain. It was just healing up nicely, when I had to climb over dialysis boxes in the middle of the night to get out of bed and I ripped it again. It really hurt. And then I went on my big cleaning frenzy and walked for miles each day as I had lots of energy and was having trouble sleeping, but didn’t realise that I was overcompensating so that I wouldn’t hurt my left side and have managed to pull the muscle in my right lower back. As it sits on a nerve, everytime I stand on my right leg I get a shooting pain up and down my whole leg and it is very difficult to walk.

I managed to set up the dialysis machine yesterday evening and then walked crab-like leaning on the wall to the acupuncturists round the corner to see if she could do anything for me. She stuck some pins in it which has eased it a bit today but the pain was excruciating on the way home. I thought I was going to stand in the street and cry and embarrass myself but luckily I bumped into a neighbour – the poor thing has a hernia – so we walked back together, very slowly, moaning. He was funny as he hadn’t noticed I was pregnant.

Normally, I get spotted for miles around as the pregnant woman and have middle-aged women rushing up to me in the street saying, “Oh you’ll have your hands full,” as they gesticulate at Jasmine in the buggy. The day we heard it four times when we went out looking at double buggies, Neil got really cross. I actually said to the last woman, “You don’t know the half of it, love.” As I was feeling a bit cheeky. The other day some woman asked me when I was due and I said, “Tomorrow.” She said, “Oh no.” I do wonder how some people get through life with such a cheery attitude.

Neil is a star and took over dialysis this morning and said, “Look at the clip of you.” He has a point! It would be funny the way I walk, if I wasn’t in such agony. The doctor, when I went for my antenatal appointment yesterday morning (Jasmine in the buggy so I had something to lean on to help me walk normally) recommended paracetamol, as there isn’t much else a pregnant lady can safely take, but I haven’t bothered since paracetamol doesn’t do a great deal for me.

I have been contracting away at night and then it stops after an hour so now I just go to sleep and think: ‘Whatever!’. We just have to be a bit patient, but please pray for me as the hospital only give you 12 days as a VBACer, before they give you a c-section. I know whatever happens it will be the best for the baby and I, but it would be much better dialysis-wise if I could just have a natural birth and the thought of not being able to pick Jasmine up for six weeks makes me cry.

We have tried all the old wives tales to bring on labour. On one list on the internet it said foot rub which Neil gave me and then asked if the next thing on the list was something like ‘Get husband to paint the kitchen/do the ironing/go shopping’, which made me laugh. The other thing that makes us laugh is all the twinges and symptoms I keep getting, as according to the pregnancy book, labour is imminent. So anytime anything happens we say, ‘Oh labour is imminent’. We have started saying it to Neil too whenever he gets any symptoms, e.g., needing to go to the toilet, as they are so generic they could apply to anyone.

Jasmine is great fun at the moment. She knows where her nose is and touches it when you say ‘nose’. I tied a belt to the babywalker yesterday afternoon and dragged her round our communal courtyard as she was bored being in the flat and I couldn’t really walk so we went and sat out there. She was a bit confused at first but soon got the hang of it and we had fun – me dragging her forward and Jasmine pushing herself backwards and laughing.

Whilst we were out there, another neighbour asked me if I was afraid being on my own so heavily pregnant, unable to walk properly, and with a young child (she had had to hold the door open for me for quite a while whilst I crab-walked sideways dragging Jasmine in the babywalker through the doorway). People are so funny. Neil would have found us in the courtyard on his way home.

Jasmine has hit another milestone – six months without an NG tube. Our consultant at Gt Ormond St congratulated us and said that it was a fantastic achievement, which was really nice of her and it makes me cry just thinking about it. I guess I am a bit hormonal today, perhaps labour is imminent (Grrrr). Or, it could be just that the Boro have gone down and I am very sad.